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News Editor (whatever that is) at @empiremagazine, host of the Empire Podcast, and all-round Q&A-hole. It's ok. I wouldn't follow me either.

727 Following   19,898 Followers   47,059 Tweets

Join Twitter 2/11/09

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@ItsAndyRyan Holy shit. Never put that together before.EXCUSES FOR PHONING IN SICK: Tits trapped in fridge door. Killer tweet bombed. Tried to use labia as wings, and fell to your death. Miranda.
Retweeted by Chris HewittGabi really took it up a notch http://t.co/uRUf4T4VKs
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@ItsAndyRyan I already love it.You're *all* my favourite at Twitter.God: Hey guys. Just created the world and everything in it in just six days. I'm shattered. Ancient Twitter: Pics or it didn't happen.It's @NickdeSemlyen's birthday. I've celebrated the only way I know how - tucking my tadger between my legs and dancing to Goodbye Horses.Knowing Vernon Kay is Beefeaters' new boss of beef is very reassuring! http://t.co/x8pZrPiKzQ
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt- take that you varlet! - what's a varlet? - it's a… a… actually I'm not sure. Steve what's a var… HEY NO STABBING IT'S QUESTION BREAK!
Retweeted by Chris HewittI'd praise Jesus, but he'd just retweet it.I HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE AND I NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE http://t.co/POeUOOrOX3
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt
Belatedly celebrating @FolaHewitt's birthday at the amazing La Fabrica on Stroud Green Road. The best damn tapas in London, I'm saying.'The minute you sense penetration, it's all over.' Sam Taylor-Johnson on Fifty Shades' rude scenes, or my sex life. http://t.co/2MIPqzxxFq@Koptalkpodcast 2-1. Carroll to get all three goals.@HanClanSolo77 Indeed, but I couldn't give that away.Loving this sign for Inherent Vice at the Everyman Baker Street. http://t.co/wtNtLaEWV7Well, of course I included one letter twice. OF COURSE I BLOODY WELL DID.Two great ways to start an argument: 1) Saying 'I really liked Birdman' 2) Saying 'I didn't really like Birdman' Enjoy! #yourewelcome
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@paulbarrow1 Doesn't strike me as such, no.@GingerishR Fuck.This tweet was brought to you by the letters T, H, I, S, W, E, A, B, R, O, U, G, H, Y, L, N and D.2010: Whatever Marvel did 2011: Whatever Marvel did 2012: Whatever Marvel did 2013: Incredible Burt Wonderstone 2014: Whatever Marvel did2010: Inception / The Secret In Their Eyes 2011: Drive 2012: Beasts Of The Southern Wild 2013: Gravity / Stories We Tell 2014: Boyhood
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@ojedge No. It's a strap-on. And yes, it's also a wind-up.@ojedge It's all about the timing.It's snowing, huh? Well, not on my watch. http://t.co/qkBRTbG90kHas anyone ever masturbated on cocaine before? I did last night. Ruined the lot. My mates went MENTAL.
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt"Here is your new joke format, Matthew." "Alright." "We've specifically tailored it for you." "Alright." "Try not to overuse it." "Alright."@AndrewMaleMojo We're gonna be rich.@KevMcGivernArt That's good, but it doesn't successfully communicate ALL THE LAUGHS CONTAINED WITHIN.@AndrewMaleMojo Too highbrow for Ted. How about we throw in a spunk joke and have Ted marry the Brides of March? "CAESAR!" "WHICH ONE?"The look on Gay Byrne's face as @stephenfry trounces God https://t.co/hFlHSjgPpC
Retweeted by Chris HewittTell you what, guys, that Ted 2 looks *hilarious*. They should call it Ted 2 Damn Funny. There may still be time. http://t.co/YLUkYQ6gWR@SadFaceOtter They're already hard at work in their Saturday Kitchen."The apocalypse is at 4.15." #ReWriteAFilmIn5Words@Samjuro The production schedule didn't allow me the five years I needed to grow the moustache.Boss: What's this? Me: What you asked for. B: .. M: Six enchanting otters? B: Search engine optimisation! M: .. Otters: .. M: Come on, guys.
Retweeted by Chris HewittI love how Amal Clooneys new celebrity means that court cases about genocide now pop up in gossip columns http://t.co/4kO4REsDhA
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt
I bet this street soon gives way to Khan Avenue. #topicalreference #humour #goodjoke #spoilers #Cumberbatch #hashtag http://t.co/6Hn4xeVfl2Why, yes, I am wearing a Chewbacca dressing gown over a winter jacket. Why do you ask?Things get a little rude as the filmmakers behind Superbob, discuss their Peckham-set superhero comedy http://t.co/k3XFRXlvPy
Retweeted by Chris HewittOff to @BBC6MorningShow and #FridayFilmClub with the wonderful @laurenlaverne. No superheroes this week, I promise.
One of the best things about a Readly subscription: a ton of Commando books. Used to read my dad's when I was a kid. http://t.co/JYBKStmNWU@Londoner_almost It's already gone. Dammit.@moneypenney Ping away!@moneypenney We're not. We're moving offices. What fun!@moneypenney 'fraid so. Got a very early start in the morning. Had fun, though!@JohannaEllison Lancashire? How long have I been in this cab?It's snowing. In London. It probably won't lie, though. Snow, you colossal prick-tease.ICYMI my book, #AMillionYearsInADay, was published today. It's a cheerful, vaguely amusing history of daily life. http://t.co/x938BlDSsi
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@paulbarrow1 Oof!This reminds me of the time someone threatened to kill me because I gave Scooby Doo 2 stars. Or 'roo rars', as the mysterious voice put it.@ErisLovesMovies I honestly don't even remember. Whatever it was, it sure hit the target.@Slippery_Jack Ha!@MarkNotRoss If he ever hears my incendiary views on AfterMASH, I'm in deep.Lovely bit of fan mail from an ardent reader. Gulp! http://t.co/tEnr6zLGB5Honoured to be hosting the @empiremagazine round at this year's @Gav_Aid quiz. It's going to be fiendish/terrifying. #GavAidJust read an amazing online interview with the director of Boyhood. Link later.
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@OtherSomewhere RELEASE ALL THE PODCASTS.@OtherSomewhere I honestly don't know why that would be happening.@OtherSomewhere Often? It's once a week with the occasional special. We had a few over Christmas to cover the three-week break.@staypuft Add +44 before it.@1MattD There's that one guy who works for eOne. No, wait... I'm thinking of the other guy.@LukeWhiston That's no way to talk about Bradley Cooper.@ellardent Have you called the number? Calls are charged at £8 per minute.@RuhBuhJuh As long as you promise to keep it in your pants.@_GrahamPatrick You're in.Are you a famous film-type person? Would you like to be on the Empire Podcast? Then call our toll-free number NOW! 0800-SHITWENEEDGUESTS@SummerRay @True_Panks Oh God, I can never remember mine. But there are some brilliant ones. I think I did the one about fork handles.Situation update. Now!@Pat_Bren @mrnickharvey There aren't enough stars in the firmament, Pat. Although I might settle on three because that'll fit on the poster.@mrnickharvey That bloody hack again. Hands out stars like they were confetti. Gave Confetti three stars. There's no stopping him.“@JoannaRyan83: @ChrisHewitt I thought that meant you followed the person...” Great. Now I have to follow everyone.And let's be clear about this, so I can head sniggering and nincompoopery off at the pass - I said, 'I love ticks'. Ticks. TICKS. T I C K S.Why did nobody tell me you get this little tick symbol when you retweet a retweet? I LOVE TICKS! *retweets all of it* http://t.co/1ohdVOsnw3COP: do u know why I pulled u over? MAGICIAN: did u? *cop is now in car, magician is writing ticket* COP: how? *ticket explodes into doves*
Retweeted by Chris HewittIf you swipe left, right, up, up, down, down, left, right, you get to swipe through a secret level of Tinder.
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt10 kids' TV show themes that are actually full songs http://t.co/oZAkBIQ48R http://t.co/VO04qGGdcg
Retweeted by Chris HewittRight, I'm off to bed. I have to be up in an hour.No. 2 is all kinds of astonishing. http://t.co/2PiARnH0V8Dying. “@ClickHole: This Will Change The Way You Watch ‘Fight Club’ http://t.co/vkqkS7r9sK http://t.co/lCZHwk66O3
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt
In case you missed the news earlier, Michael Mann's The Keep (not on DVD or Blu ray) hit #NetflixUK today. Watch it. Then @LuckyMcKee's May.
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@absoluteradio @empiremagazine I'm very tired. Advance warning.@JNRaeside I'll triple it. Whatever it costs!I've always wanted to say, 'whatever they're paying you, I'll double it!' Hope I can resist the urge to say it today while flat-hunting.@felicitykate @jamesdyer Isn't it ironic? Don't you think? A little too ironic? Yeah, I really do think.@Niall_TheDetail podcast@empireonline.comHello, payday, you beautiful bastard. *kisses payday full on the lips*Mind you, there aren't ten men in The X-Men, and they manage ok.The Fantastic Four must thank their lucky stars that there's four of them. Otherwise they'd have to think about changing their name.
@hrtbps Jonathan Chait is the arch-rival of Nicholas Taikabreak.I don't even have a yacht.I think Readly may change my life. *downloads Yachting World for the hell of it*@yasmineakram Sorted. Just need to find the right jumper. I'm going for a cheeky little Next number.#Justice4Shia #MuttisthetruenewIndyWOW, #Readly is a game changer. The Spotify of magazines, pay £9.99 and unlimited issues of your favourite mags. Download now!
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@yasmineakram I'm going to use this same tactic to plug the Empire Podcast. Pic of me looking scared in front of a microphone should do it.@ChrisHewitt Pratt playing Macklin playing Jones is the logical solution
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@FionaUnderhill The cast isn't finalised yet. You never know.And Pratt as Indy in a reboot? Mostly on board, although he's already playing Indy in Guardians, and this pushes back the Burt Macklin film.
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